I have of late been struggling with the question "What does God want me to do?" Perhaps struggling is not the right word right now. And maybe"What does God want me to do" is not the right question right now. I recently neglected a responsibility I take seriously and felt the pangs of guilt in my forgetfulness to take care of it. You see, I'm the pinch hitter on the piano at my church, and yesterday-on the the 4th of July of all days-I left my church in a pinch! I had forgotten to get someone to play in my absence. At 9:30 on Sunday evening as the fireworks were going off all around me, they finally went off in my head too. I'm a "doer" so how could I have not done this? I quickly shot out an email apologizing to the key players at church and thanked them for their forgiveness and understanding. Then I sat down for a spell and talked with God about it. I know He and my pastor forgive me!
This morning, still stinging from my failure, God revealed in my heart what I knew in my head. It's not what I do, which will always come up short on my own power, but who I am in Christ that matters most. So, who am I in Christ?
I am His child.
I am loved.
I am forgiven.
I am accepted.
I am free.
I am at peace.
I am secure.
I am chosen of God, holy and loved dearly.
I am sealed.
I am light in the world.
I am Jesus' friend.
I am God's workmanship, created to do His work He set aside for me.
OK. So I'm back to "doing". I am a "doer". "Doing" is the expression of my heart. "Doing" is the expression of my love and gratitude and humility in response to God's love and grace and mercy. I still want to know what God wants me to do. Until He reveals that, I shall rest in the knowledge of who I am!
Hey Teresa,
ReplyDeleteI was strolling through several blogs today and stumbled upon this post of yours. I was so excited to read your words here.
I believe we all struggle with basing our worth on what we do or don't do rather than what God says about us. Similar to the shame that drove Adam and Eve to hide behind bushes with some itchy fig leaves covering their bodies, our shame drives us today to "work harder" or "do more". We think we are so messed up that God can't be pleased with us unless we perform better for him, so we try hard to appease Him. Either that or we see how pointless it is, feel like a total failure, feel completely rejected, and just hang up our efforts. I like how the story most of us know as "The Prodigal Son" illustrates this with one son being a striver and the other being a rebel. Just like those two sons, we often miss the truth of how the Father actually sees us. The father in the parable wanted a relationship with his sons in which they trusted (had faith) beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loved them and accepted them, but neither of them understood that as what he truly wanted. As sons and daughters of His, we are His beloved (the Church). He loves us and accepts us no matter what. Even when we fail, we are not a failure because God doesn't make mistakes. Even when others reject us, we are accepted because He accepts us. It all defies human logic most of the time, but God's Truth trumps the lies of this world.
I didn't mean to go on and on here, but this excites me. Thanks for posting this Teresa. I pray this kind of thinking is contagious to those around you as many are in bondage to what you were struggling with on July 4. I see it often in my own life and others. The Gospel of Grace (as Paul says it), based on living by faith, is missing all too many times in our lives, replaced by a false gospel of works.
In Christ,
Neil
Neil, nearly 6 months after you posted a comment I found it, and I was so excited. So seldom does anyone read my blog much less comment on it. I love your thoughts, especially defying human logic. Praise God! Can you imagine how many times I've "failed" based on human standards since I wrote this! Again, praise God, He doesn't make mistakes. I love being able to spend more time with Him, waiting and listening, rather that darting here and there doing, doing, doing. It's true that I am a doer. I figure that's OK because He made me that way, as long as my doing is a heartfelt expression of gratitude for His grace and mercy rather than vain attempts to earn His grace an mercy. What a failure i would be at that! Anyway, I had hoped to tell you all this at church yesterday...sorry I missed you. Do you blog? If so, what's your spot?
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